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Live Like Pigs etc. etc.

September 22, 2015


It’s the year 2047 and some version of me is visiting an assisted living community for retired prime minister.  There in the corner is Cameron all alone.  He has to be pointed out to me by the other retired prime minsters who snigger and say “oh, you mean…”

I try to cheer up Cameron, who sighs and eventually says… “well, let me put it this way…

I slashed inheritance tax and brought in a bedroom tax…

But do they call me “Bedroom Tax Cameron”?

Thousands of people on benefits killed themselves out of despair while I was PM

But do they call me “Samaritans Cameron”?

Thatcher only took kiddie’s school milk – I’m taking their hot food too.

But do they call me “Dinner-Snatching Cameron?”

But you fuck one pig…”

Now of course, being ritually fellated by a dead pig is certainly not the most disgusting thing David Cameron has ever been involved in.  There is clearly something wrong with a nation that thinks so.  If Britain enjoyed a well-informed, serious and responsible political culture, then piggate would be a complete irrelevance.  But she doesn’t, and it’s naive and irresponsible to pretend that it does.

Politics works on the basis of imagery and perceptions.  Also synecdoche.  Small events stand for big ones – trivial circumstances take on symbolic power.

The Piers Gaveston club was less objectionable than the Bullenden and its initiation ceremonies were less disgusting. Cameron was involved with both of course.  Sticking your penis into a dead pig’s mouth is less horrible that finding a homeless person and burning a fifty pound note in front of their very eyes – which was another initiation rite, just less funny, less prone to inspire a viral hashtag.

The purpose of these aristocratic initiation rites is, of course, to establish a sense of being above plebian morality, a sense of being above the law.  These clubs exist in order to foster a sense of the essential scumminess of everyone who has failed to exit a very wealthy birth canal.  The aristocratic libertine aesthetic, supremely exemplified and subverted by the Marquis de Sade, is all about how an elite consolidates its sense of its own power and freedom by doing things that normal people just can’t do.  Nobody “wants” to put their penis in a dead pig’s mouth.  The point is to demonstrate that you can – that traditional rules of decent common sense behaviour do not apply to you.

Most people have some rowdiness in their youthful past.  My student follies are quite boring.  There’s drinking (yawn), and a deal of spouting of complete nonsense and some truly appalling dancing.   It is only fair to bring up youthful follies if you can prove some kind of connection between the japes and the “mature” adult policies and behaviours.

Cameron’s student club rituals were designed to promote the political idea that hereditary wealth should despise rule of law despise everybody else.  Cameron’s record in government has done precisely the same thing.  His regressive tax regime, his punitive welfare policies, his successful reinforcement of what has become the least socially mobile society in the western world – is conceived of in the same spirit and for the same reason that the Piers Gaveston club demanded that people insert penises into pigs.  They are, after all, the same people.

Youthful hi-jinks are excused on the basis that every one grows out of such things.  But if the whole point of such hi-jinks is to demonstrate how those who have inherited wealth despise everyone else then there is no evidence that Cameron and chums have grown out of anything.

By criminalising poverty, and using a compliant press to spread the statistically disprovable lie that welfare breeds dependency – Cameron’s created a nation where people are more frightened of people who might be clutching at their heels than the people who are actually kicking them in the head.  He and his government are champions of a hereditary oligarchy that does everything it can to protect them that hath at the expense of those that hath not.

When the Pier Gaveston club stick penises into pigs, they are just looking for taboos to violate – to demonstrate that certain rules do not apply to them.  When their members grow up into legislators who slash the legal aid budget – they’re demonstrating that there is no rule of law.  Law belongs to those who can afford it.

Some pigs are more equal than others.

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One Comment
  1. permalink

    Reblogged this on Bampots Utd.

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