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Mike Huckabee is about to be forcibly married to a gay man at gunpoint.

June 27, 2015


Mike Huckabee is resisting what he feels is tyranny.

“I will not acquiesce to an imperial court any more than our Founders acquiesced to an imperial British monarch. We must resist and reject judicial tyranny, not retreat.”

Nevertheless, the tyrannical will of SCOTUS cannot be reasoned with.  At some point in the next few weeks, armed stormtroopers will drag Mike Huckabee away from his loving heterosexual family and march him up to a rainbow bedecked courthouse where an automatic rifle will be shoved into his face while a judge demands that he profess a lifelong legal spiritual and intimately sexual commitment to a brawny construction worker in his mid thirties called Steve who in the right light looks a bit like Bradley Cooper.  Unless Mick Huckabee resists this kind of imperial tyranny, his indissoluble gay marriage will then result in a lifetime of painful and (initially) unwanted anal sex that steadily becomes more tender and inventive, two bodies learning each other’s needs and instincts and idiosyncracies, a sexual odyssey that matures wisely over many years.

Now I don’t know Mike Huckabee.  But people who regard the rights of others as a “threat” generally have diagnosable disorders.  Many extreme homophobes are of course closet cases. The urgency with which they fear certain intimacies can only logically derive from a suppressed fear that the effort of their own repressions may have been for nothing.  When “straight” people denounce gay sex, it’s more than likely that it’s their own curiosity and erotic incompletion that they’re trying to crush.

Others have been talking in similar terms to Mike Huckabee.  People who claim that they will “never accept” gay marriage must, on some level, believe that gay marriage is something that is being “imposed on them”.  Within the zero-sum world they inhabit, the extension of rights to others means that their own autonomy is therefore being compromised.  Gay marriage “changes the definition of marriage” and somehow devalues their own marriages.

Huckabee I don’t know or want to know.  Someone who keeps wanting to secure the highest executive office of the world’s most powerful nation does not get the idea of permissive legislation.  Nor has he read J.S. Mill on liberty, who argued that majorities have no more right to oppress minorities than the other way around.  He (and others) trying to get a persecution complex going, because they perceive of “persecution” as political capital – whether or not (NOT) it has any basis in logic or reality.

Painful as it is to restate anything so obvious – we have to keep pointing out that there is no court ruling on earth that can force anyone to “accept” gay marriage.  And that means not only will Mike Huckabee NOT be forced kiss the groom any time soon, but that people who do not “believe” that marriage can exist between same sex couples will not be having their beliefs chemically or electrically altered by SCOTUS edict.  If you find you can’t “redefine” marriage to include gay people, then the law does not provide for anyone chaining you to a chair and torturing you until you do.

Your first amendment right to live a miserable, stunted, impoverished life that cannot rejoice in the presence of different kinds of love is protected.

You see opposition to gay marriage is not some kind of defensive campaign – you’re not “defending” an institution. Opposition to gay marriage is an offensive refusal to allow others the full legal extrapolation of theirs.  Now of course all civil rights movements have been obstructed by people claiming to be resisting “imperial tyranny”.  All rulings by the Federal Government (both POTUS and SCOTUS) to assert the full citizenship of African Americans have been met by Huckabeean hysteria about “tyranny”.

The truth is, of course, that if you feel that the freedom of others makes you feel less free, then your problems are deep rooted and deeply personal and require the intervention of skills beyond the job descriptions of lawyers and legislators.


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