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“Over-Privileged Californian Teenagers assert their inalienable Right to become Major Recording Artists despite never have entertained an interesting or original Sentiment in the course of their Short, Dull and Pampered Lives”.

June 29, 2013

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I’ve an idea for a new show, aimed at the lucrative ‘tween’ demographic and primed to rule Nickelodeon for the next decade.  I’m calling it “Over-Privileged Californian Teenagers assert their inalienable Right to become Major Recording Artists despite never have entertained an interesting or original Sentiment in the course of their Short, Dull and Pampered Lives”.

It’s what you might call a “Ronseal”  title – rather like “Snakes on a Plane” – it does exactly what it says on the tin.  Week by week a small group of very attractive young people will learn more about themselves and about one another.   Each twenty two minute episode of “Over-Privileged Californian Teenagers assert their inalienable Right to become Major Recording Artists despite never have entertained an interesting or original Sentiment in the course of their Short, Dull and Pampered Lives”  will divide up as follows.    The first nine minutes will consist of an unusual situation or opportunity being presented – an audition or a recording session.  In the second nine minutes will consider the possibility of the group’s integrity being threatened in some way – either by fame and fortune being offered to one of the group at the expense of the others, or by one set of parents thinking about moving to Florida.  The final four minutes of “Over-Privileged Californian Teenagers assert their inalienable Right to become Major Recording Artists despite never have entertained an interesting or original Sentiment in the course of their Short, Dull and Pampered Lives”  will consist of the restoration of the status quo in which everybody learns the value of two or three vague abstractions that rhyme.  Song.  Title sequence.   Each episode of “Over-Privileged Californian Teenagers assert their inalienable Right to become Major Recording Artists despite never have entertained an interesting or original Sentiment in the course of their Short, Dull and Pampered Lives”  will reinforce the crucial message that if you beli-eeeeeeeeeve in your own right to stardom with every fibre of your being, then God and the Universe will guarantee that stardom will be conferred upon you.  Indeed the whole universe is physically designed for the sole purpose of satisfying the tediously predictable cow eyed yearnings of wealthy young Californians.

Comic relief can be provided by a foreign exchange student with a silly voice, whose culture and family can be endlessly mocked and vilified because her/his passport looks funny.

Now I know what you’re thinking… you’re thinking that there are 287 shows on network television that already follow precisely this  formula, and the very few shows aimed at 8-13 years old which do not are in danger of being cancelled?  How can “Over-Privileged Californian Teenagers assert their inalienable Right to become Major Recording Artists despite never have entertained an interesting or original Sentiment in the course of their Short, Dull and Pampered Lives” possibly compete in this overcrowded market?  To which I say this – the people who pitched 286 of those 287 shows were being as lazy and greedy as I am.  They beli-eeeeeeeved in their tedious and predictable dream and were rewarded for it.  Don’t I deserve a dream too?

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